Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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