end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
