so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
