Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
