hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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