So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
