Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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