closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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