its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize