if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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