I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
