Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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