If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
