honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
