All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
