It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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