i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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