the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize