Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
