we have pet lesbian snakes
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
