I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You made out with two different species that night
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
