Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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