Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
