Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
