Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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