I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
