I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
