I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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