oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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