I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
