Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
