Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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