yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
