Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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