im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
