My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
