cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
