You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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