Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
honey bunches of taint.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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