whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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