I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
