I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
