Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
