How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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