I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
