A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
