I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
