Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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