i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
