Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
