just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
