scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
