I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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