I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
