HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love you.
Bad choice
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
