we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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