I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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