Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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