drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize