it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize