Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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