i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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