she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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