I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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