so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
