I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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