for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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