Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
