flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we're making bets on your personal life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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