Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This toilet bowl is my home.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
