I just saw a hot homeless man
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
