he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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