Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
