I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
