just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
