i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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